40 weeks, 2 days

40 weeks, 2 days

40 weeks, 2 days. July 31, 2017.

Still pregnant. I’m trying to be calm and relaxed, but it’s hard to think about anything else. I’m afraid of being too overdue for a few reasons: 1) I don’t want to be induced; 2) I don’t want baby to be too big; 3) I don’t want to get close to 42 weeks because there are more risks to baby; and 4) I don’t want to be super crabby for 2 weeks.

I understand that baby will come when baby wants, but what if she’s just too lazy!? And shouldn’t my dates be accurate because of IVF? I’m annoyed. And I’m annoyed that everyone was right about first babies being late. I’m also a bit  jealous of everyone around me who has had her baby already. I mean, I’m happy for everyone; I’m just jealous. Also, I’m tired of being so heavy and it hurting to walk. It’s also hard to plan out work to do when I have no idea when I’ll be leaving. Why is baby taking so long? Why isn’t she ready yet? Am I doing something wrong? And why doesn’t the doctor want to see me until Friday? Ugh. I’m just done being pregnant. I want baby to arrive so I know she’s healthy.

Sigh. So, that’s where I am. I’m still working so I can at least make some money, though my billable ratio isn’t great right now. But, another paycheck is good. And I enjoy eating lots of ice cream. However, I’m beyond the “cute pregnant” phase now. Now I just see fat, other than the baby belly.

Alright, that’s all my complaining. S is being very good about it and helping to keep me calm. Yesterday we went to the beach (well, lakeshore) and played frisbee in the water and barbecued. He said he likes these days of just waiting, doing nothing, and we’ll look back on it fondly. Perhaps he’s right, but I’m still impatient.

Tomorrow morning I have acupuncture, so maybe that will move things along. My guess was August 1 and I did say I thought she’d be a late baby, but for some reason I’m still annoyed. My mom said to calm down so I don’t end up with a crabby baby. I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s probably worth considering.

Overall, I guess I feel fine. I mean, what’s fine these days anyway? Various body parts hurt. I sometimes feel some uterus cramping, but nothing long and nothing painful. Braxton Hicks do not hurt. The only new sign of something is the occasional sharp pain in my vagina. It happened a few times yesterday, but that’s it. We also did a lot of walking Saturday & Sunday (well, it’s relative. About 3 miles of walking each day). My sciatic nerve hurts, but not as much today.

Sigh. I know baby will be here soon and in the grand scheme of things, a day or a week is nothing. But that doesn’t change how I feel right now.

And a profile image so you can see just how pregnant I am, taken yesterday at 40 weeks, 1 day. 

39 weeks, 6 days

39 weeks, 6 days

39 weeks, 6 days. July 28, 2017.

Might as well round out the week with another post. Dearest baby, you have one day until your due date, which seems like a perfectly fine day to arrive. I understand you are very comfortable in there, but I promise I’ll make things comfortable for you on the outside. We are very anxious to meet you, and now you’ve had your full 40 weeks (tomorrow) to get as smart and as developed as you need. Time to come meet the world. Also, I’m hoping you don’t get too big in there. While I care only about a healthy baby, I was hoping for a small baby. Somewhere in the 7lb range seems fine. I know you don’t care, baby, and my mom says get used to it because kids will never do what you want, but I can hope!

No signs of you coming, however. Last night I bought a yoga ball to bounce (lightly) on and to rock my hips, in hopes of relieving some sciatic nerve pain. No luck on that, but it was comfortable to hang out on the ball for a while. Then as we were going to bed last night, the top of my uterus hurt and I had a terrible headache. Both have faded. I’ve had heartburn quite noticeably lately. Thank goodness for Tums. Once in a while I get what I guess people call is “lightening crotch” (though that’s a ridiculous term), but it goes away. So, maybe I’ll just go into labor spontaneously.

Today would be my last day, but not if baby doesn’t want to arrive until next week. I have acupuncture scheduled for Tuesday morning to help move things along if needed. I’m really trying to be patient. I wish I could go for a long walk! Tonight after work we’re heading to the park to go swimming and bbq. Hopefully swimming will relieve some sciatic nerve pain, even temporarily.

Baby is still moving a lot, though at this point it’s pretty much her feet. She likes to stick her feet into the right side of my belly. I keep telling her she cannot get out that way!  Really, any day in July would be fine. Saturday, Sunday, Monday. My grandmother died July 31, 2010, so perhaps that is the day baby girl will make her arrival. Maybe Grandma can give her a little nudge.

We haven’t told my side of the family baby’s name yet. I said they can know when she’s born. However, I did say her middle name will be Kathryn. I might be repeating myself, but it’s for my mom (her middle name), S’s mom, and me (a variation of my name).

I’m worried about going too long overdue, being induced, and a giant baby. I understand that I cannot control any of this, but that doesn’t quite change my worry. I know I won’t be pregnant much longer, but it feels like it!! And for the love of God, people need to stop telling me that they were two weeks overdue with their babies. It is NOT helpful. Nor does it make me feel any better.

So, we’ll see. All “hurry up, baby” vibes welcome! Who knows. Tomorrow? Next week? We love you baby. We want to snuggle you on the outside!

39 weeks, 5 days

39 weeks, 5 days

39 weeks, 5 days. July 27, 2017.

Nothing exciting at the doctor today. She did check my cervix. Zero dilation, though she said it’s short and softening. However, all of this means nothing as baby could come tomorrow or next week (or the week after…hold me). Who knows. I’m hoping my daughter is a perfectionist, like me, and wants to arrive on the exact date. You know, like using every minute possible to study for a test or train for a race. Hopefully she is not too much of a procrastinator! I told her she has 2 more days; being on time is perfect. Being late is no fun. Hahaha.

I need to adjust my mindset, however, in case baby girl is very late. Once the calendar rolls into August, it’s going to feel late. If only I could walk like a normal (pregnant) person. Stupid sciatic nerve. Yet, all of this is temporary. I need to stop complaining because I’ve had an easy pregnancy and time will pass, as it always does. Still, I don’t want to gain more weight and I don’t want baby to grow to be a giant baby! I’m impatient and anxious to meet baby, more than I am nervous. It’s seem surreal that I’ll have a baby soon.

I should use this time to wrap up any random tasks I have or things on my non-work to do list. I guess I was assuming baby would come early. Oh well. All that matters is that she’s healthy and I’m healthy. Maybe this will help my mindset.

The doctor said next week they’ll do a non-stress test and an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay. Also, I don’t want to be induced. My mom said it’s horrible (she was induced with the youngest, wherein she decided she was done having kids).

Well, it seems like I’ll be writing every day or every day now, just as I did in the beginning. Of course, in the beginning, I wanted the days to pass. Now I just want baby to get here. Sort of different, but it does help with the sanity level.

39 weeks, 4 days

39 weeks, 4 days

39 weeks, 4 days. July 26, 2017.

Baby is definitely wearing out her welcome in my uterus! I’m just uncomfortable. If I could walk without pain, that might be different. Then I’d just spend my evenings walking. However, my sciatic nerve issue is unrelenting, so walking isn’t really an option. It’s truly painful. Even trying to get in/out of bed and get comfortable can be painful.

And between having zero work to do at work and really nothing to do at home, I’m just waiting. I don’t want to rush baby; I’m afraid of being overdue (or really overdue) and needing to be induced. I’m not sure what I’ll do at work if I have to wait another 1-2 weeks. I don’t want to take that time off – it’s not like I can enjoy summertime at this stage, so having time off wouldn’t really be fun. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow morning, so hopefully that will bring some good news. I’ll let her check me for dilation tomorrow.

Saturday is 40 weeks. I shouldn’t complain until then. Or Monday, perhaps. After that, I’m going to get a little antsy. I have acupuncture scheduled for Monday, but I’m hoping baby will arrive before then so I can save my money. I keep hoping that I’ll just wake up in the morning with contractions!

So, anyway, baby, if you could hurry it along, that’d be great. We’re anxious to meet you! xoxo.

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38 weeks, 2 days
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39 weeks, 4 days.
39 weeks, 2 days

39 weeks, 2 days

39 weeks, 2 days. July 24, 2017.

Baby is still quite comfortable. I, on the other hand, am not. Mostly it’s due to the sciatic nerve, which will not stretch and loosen no matter what I do. It makes walking particularly difficult and painful and slow, and I look extra pregnant. Pretty much nothing is comfortable these days. I wake up every 2 hours at night (good practice, I know) and then I am actually disappointed when it’s 2am and I have to figure out how to get comfortable again to fall back asleep. Yup, super pregnant!

Nothing to report, really. No signs of baby’s arrival. Randomly, I have some stomach pains, and I have lots of long, BH, but nothing that screams “baby is coming!” Come on kid, any day now! Please don’t make me more than a few days overdue. Maybe it’s just me, but I think knowing the exact dates for IVF should make my due date more accurate than others. Maybe a lot of people just have inaccurate due dates? That’s what I’m telling myself anyway. If we didn’t have to do IVF, I probably wouldn’t have any idea as to when baby was conceived.

Saturday we went on a day trip and because we’d be a few hours away we brought the car seat and hospital bags just in case. They were not needed, obviously. At least they are in my car now. It was nice to drive around on a sunny day, even if I couldn’t do much walking. It’s very annoying not being mobile! Saturday night-Sunday morning we slept 12 hours. No joke. Apparently we were both very tired – S from a stressful week, and me from lugging around this pumpkin of a belly! And then I took a nap on Sunday afternoon. M and her boyfriend came over for a barbecue at the waterfront on Sunday evening, which was lots of fun. But, after some walking, I could barely put any weight on the right side of my body. Ouch.

Today, work hosted a potluck baby brunch for me, which was quite sweet. There is a range of guesses to baby’s due date. I’ll add the photo. And a few people gave us presents – how thoughtful! Although I tire of the cubicle life, the company and the people are superb and I never have complaints about either. (And the medical benefits are excellent.)

What’s left to do? Rest, I suppose. Keep stretching. And wrap up a few things at work. I read that the end of pregnancy is supposed to be very uncomfortable so your body just wants to go into labor and you’re not afraid anymore. Ha, I believe it! I wish baby would arrive sometime this week, because that would make it easier for my work schedule. But, I know that’s not how it works. We’ll see if this kid is a planner or not. I joked that she just wanted to have one more party (the baby brunch). Who doesn’t love a party?

38 weeks, 5 days

38 weeks, 5 days

38 weeks, 5 days. July 20, 2017.

Yup, still here, still pregnant. And officially “super pregnant” now. At least I’m not overdue yet – that’s good. But it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable! Still working, and this is the paycheck I was hoping to get to, so that’s good. Thank you, baby! I figure if baby isn’t here yet, it’s a good excuse to just eat more ice cream. Why not? Nothing very exciting to report at this point, so I’ll just run down a list.

  • Remember that last load of laundry I mentioned? Well, we finally did it yesterday. Now all of baby’s clothes and my robe/nightgown and our regular clothes are washed, too. We just have to put the bags in the car and we’ll be good.
  • The car seat is not yet in the car because I feel weird driving around with it. But we live 5 minutes from the hospital, so it’s not a big deal if S needs to go home to get it.
  • No signs of labor, I don’t think. Sometimes I have more pressure in my lower abdomen or pelvis. I can identify more frequent BH contractions now, but they never bother me. Walking is harder because baby sits on my sciatic nerve. I’ve noticed a bit of heartburn (thank goodness for Tums!). And overall, everything aches a bit more. But, nothing obvious like losing my mucus plug or a bloody show or anything like that. So, whatever.
  • If baby wants to arrive late, that’s ok – I suppose – but I hope it will be like 2 days late, not 1 week, which just keeps me in limbo at work. Plus, later baby = bigger baby.
  • I’m so warm all of the time. Seriously, it’s insane. S will be chilly at night and I can barely sleep under a sheet! He likes to cuddle and so do I, but when I’m this hot and this large, I sometimes wish for a larger bed!
  • I woke up at 2am this morning (to pee, of course) and thought it was 6am. Then I was bummed that it wasn’t 6am because it meant I had to get comfortable enough to sleep for another 4-5 hours. Although I did wake up to pee at 4am (and because Fuzzy was throwing up…gross, cat). That’s how you know you’re super pregnant…when trying to get comfortable enough to sleep feels like too much work!

Guesses from family & friends on baby’s arrival:

  • July 22 – Julia
  • July 23- mom
  • July 25- sister E
  • July 26 – Alex (requests a margarita & a pie made by S if he’s right)
  • July 27 – sister S
  • July 28 (at 10:22am) – Dad
  • Aug 1 – S & me
  • Aug 2 – Cousins
  • Aug 3 – sister A

So… most every date is covered, haha! I’m hoping soon. And I’m hoping not July 27, because S has a meeting (not close by) on that day. I also hope it’s not August 2 or 3, because that’s just getting too late. My other guess is July 31, because that’s when my grandmother died (7 years ago).

38 weeks, 3 days

38 weeks, 3 days

Dear Baby Girl,

Today I am 38 weeks + 3 days pregnant with you. If you could shift off of my sciatic nerve, that would be very helpful. As of Saturday, I’ve had trouble walking and there’s shooting pain from my butt to my foot on my right side. I hope you’re cute, because this hurts! I just want to go for a walk!

This is an interesting time… just waiting, wondering when you’ll arrive. While it would be nice to have early maternity leave like other countries, I think I’d just drive myself crazy waiting around for you. However, not sitting at my desk would be nice! Fortunately, I have projects to wrap up at work and other random tasks assigned to me.

Point being, I’m still waiting and wondering, knowing you could arrive anytime within the next two weeks. I’m hoping you won’t be late, but I know you’ll make your debut when you’re ready. Apparently some people have no signs of labor until it’s time. I might be one of those women. If you chose to arrive this Friday, that’d be okay by me. It’s sort of like being in limbo between two lives – pre baby and with baby.

Your father and I are very excited for your arrival! It’s been a long time planning and a long road to get to you. In the grand scheme of things, 11 days +/- is nothing! Last year at this time, I was wondering if I could actually get pregnant. I’m so grateful to be pregnant and to be expecting your arrival

So far, I’ve had an easy pregnancy with you. My biggest complaints are the fact that it was uncomfortable to run and it’s a bit stressful. Why the stress? Well, I would wonder if you were moving enough or if I was eating the wrong things. As much I like the round pregnant belly and you moving around, I am anxious for you to get here so I know you are healthy and all is okay!

It’s also fun picking out baby items, and being told I’m adorable. Of course, now I’m super pregnant and I think some of my adorable-ness has faded! Every week I’ve loved Saturdays because that was the day that the week changed for us. In the early weeks and months, I was so grateful to get to another week. There are important milestones: 7 weeks (first heartbeat check), 9/10 weeks (second ultrasound), 14 weeks (second trimester), 20 weeks (halfway there & anatomy scan), 24 weeks (viability), 30 weeks (3/4 there!), 36 weeks (ultrasound) and 37 weeks (full term, depending on which doctor you ask).

Choosing your name was much harder than I thought. I’ve always loved picking out names for my dolls and characters in stories, but choosing a permanent name for you was much more pressure than I anticipated.

I keep imagining writing a more eloquent letter to you, but you are using my brain cells (apparently). This will have to do for now.

Love, mama

———–

This afternoon baby has been moving a lot, like she’s trying to get comfy in there. She must be running out of room. Kid, I know how you feel! My sciatic nerve pain is so bad, that I’m not really sure if anything else is going on. I feel like I could be having lots & lots of braxton hicks, but I’m not sure because of said nerve pain. I feel a bit achey in my hips, but I know that’s par for the course now, and I’ve been at work all day. So that probably means nothing. Maybe some stomach pain? If baby wants to arrive this week, that’s okay by me (preferably Thursday or Friday, not today or tomorrow… one big deadline for tomorrow! And a load of laundry we need to do! Since we don’t have a washer/dryer, it takes extra planning to get the wash done.) But no other signs beyond the discomfort.